Hey Heathershenhouse
Let me start by saying I hate that I even have to talk about this but the fact is: - porn is pervasive in our world
- our kids are vulnerable
- it's exceptionally damaging
- tons of parent's ask me about it.
So let's discuss some ways to keep our kids safe!
Yes, even YOUR kid can be exposed to porn. I don't care what religion you are, how secure your internet is, or how much you've "protected" them.... it's everywhere and no kid is 100% safe.
Thad and I will be doing a brief Facebook live talk on this subject tonight, January 29th, at 9pm so please join us then. My Facebook address: https://www.facebook.com/heatherloveslife
In the meantime, here are a few strategies to protect your babies!
For younger kids:
1 Have "the talk!"
If you don't talk to your kids about sex, someone else will and it may not align with your own values or beliefs. In addition, they may just get information that is completely inaccurate.... for example: "You can't get pregnant the first time you do it."
2 Have "the talk" EARLY!
No age is too young to discuss intimacy and sex. Obviously you need to use age appropriate language and the earlier the better because it makes porn less alluring. You had to talk about peeing and pooping in the potty, don't clam up about sex!
3 Use appropriate body part names!
It's a vagina and a penis. Not a hoohaw, peepee, or private parts. Use the real names as they are real body parts just like the nose, arm, and knee. The more evasive you are with your language, the more you unconsciously drive home that their parts are embarrassing and the less likely they are to have open talks with you.
4 Tell kids WHO gets access to their genitals!
Make sure they know that only Mommy and Daddy or the Doctor when Mommy or Daddy are with them, get access to their genitals. Tell them what touching is OK too... wiping after the bathroom, changing diapers, or checking for a rash etc.
For older kids:
1 Everything on the list above if you haven't done it. Better late than never...
2 Family zone!
Keep computers in the family room. Don't allow laptops or computers in children's bedrooms. Kids should be in a public area when using the internet.
3 History tells all!
Check the history on your computer often. I'm no computer whiz but there must be some software that blocks certain sites, or can help monitor what sites are visited on the family computer. Thad handles that stuff in our home but if you don't have a "Thad" then a quick google search should give you plenty of computer safety options.
4 Sexual feelings are normal, not bad.
Please let your kids know that their sexual urges and desires are totally normal. They are not "bad" for wanting sex, they are human. Never demonize your child. Just discuss with them appropriate ways to deal with their sexual urges. Yes, this is a wicked awkward conversation but open and honest communication is the most effective antidote to destructive decisions.
5 If you catch them, don't lose your shit.
Seriously, if you pick up your laptop and find they have been searching and or watching porn, put the laptop down, take a few nice deep breaths, and come up with your talking points. Screaming, grounding, ignoring, or punishing your kiddo is a missed learning opportunity. Again, their desires are completely normal and they need to learn that porn is NOT the way to deal with their own biology.
6 Sex can be funny.
A little laughter goes a long way. Not every conversation with your child has to be a lecture, or deadly serious. Over-dramatizing a situation is a great way to make it even more attractive; lighten the mood with a little levity.
7 Allow your kids to do something "bad."
Letting your kids get away with a few things that they think are "bad" is a great way to help them express themselves in a safer way. For example, let your kid dye their hair pink, or skip a day of school to go shopping with you, or let them have a friend over on a school night. Be sure to pretend that you HATE the idea and that they are "winning" one over on you. Kids need to rebel, it's part of childhood. Allow them to rebel in safe ways rather than by doing things that are very harmful such as watching porn, or having sex too early.
8 Be the hang out house!
You get to be the cool mom or dad that allows everyone to hang out in your house. It's easier to monitor what your kids are doing if they are at your home. You can't watch them at their friends house and their friends may have a laptop and web cam in their locked bedroom. Yikes!
We are going to offer MORE TIPS on tonight's Facebook live!
Be sure to tune in and feel free to message me with specific questions that you have before we go live. I'll try to answer all questions (anonymously of course.)
There are no guarantees that you can completely protect your children at all times, but you can increase your odds by being proactive and active when it comes to their safety.
Please join us tonight on Facebook live at 9pm for more strategies to keep your kids safe and prevent them from becoming addicted to porn.
Please share this message if you know someone that may benefit. Thanks!
What are YOUR thoughts on this? Hit reply to this email and let me know!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration, Heather Paris
607-269-7815
www.liveinspirednow.com
Email me: heather@liveinspirednow.com
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How to keep your kids off internet porn...
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